Awkward Elevator #9

There is no consistency to the titles of these posts...

When people join you on the elevator, you need to already be staring at the ground. Shake your head. Stare into the distance. Then quietly:

"So much blood. So much."

Then over the course of the ride, just start giggling. Let the giggle build until you're laughing at full volume from your belly. Then near the end of the ride, shout with joy:

"Like an entire lake of the stuff!"

Then when you hit your floor say to one of them:

"You want to be my date for a funeral?"

Number Something

It would be super awkward if, at the moment the elevator doors closed, you vomited everywhere.

Awkward Elevator or Whatever #'s 6 & 7

#7
For this one it's important to look important. Nice suit. Maybe a lab coat.
"I just know that we're close to a cure. If we find the right type of chromosome we should be able to adapt this serum and finally cure AIDS."
Then give a frustrated sigh.
"And then we'd never have to wear condoms again."


#8
When someone gets on the elevator, turn to your friend and say.
"Did I tell you that I checked yesterday and my boner is the EXACT same length as my foot? I mean to the Angstrom"
(Angstrom is the smallest measurement (according to google)

OITE #5

When someone joins you on your way up:
"Do you smell that? That smell wasn't here before, right? That's a totally new smell."
Then wait until that person gets off the elevator and just as the doors are closing:
"Ok, now it's gone."

Overheard ITE 4

Elevator doors close. Remark to a friend:
"Dude, I forgot to tell you, I have a such a good celebrity death pool - Dakota Fanning, Malia Obama and gay porn star Bobby Blade. I think I'm gonna do pretty well."

Overheard in the Elevator 3

When overhearing an argument between iphone fans and droid users on the elevator, interrupt with:
"I don't know, I like the iphone a lot, but whenever I stick it up my ass the battery dies."

The New Challenge

In college, my friend Scott (whose also brought us the "kick in the balls" game) used to have a joke that was only to be told on a crowded elevator.

So this year for my birthday, Scott has challenged me to write 30 "awkward things to say on an elevator." I think this is going to be very hard. My iphone wouldn't let me post to the blog last night so this is 1 and 2:

The elevator fills up: "the thing is, every time I actually put it in the yogurt, it shrivels up. Which makes me think I'm not getting the full effect."

A woman gets on the elevator. The moment she walks in: "You smell pretty."

The moment she walks off: "Syke."