It's been a tough day of important tasks. While completing these extremely important tasks that I've been doing today I also managed to catch an episode of MTV's True Life and some other network's (CMT maybe?) Inside the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (The show is actually called "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders" but "Inside the DCC" would've been a way better, and slightly perverted title(or even better "Inside A DCC")).
"Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders" follows the trials and tribulations of, well, The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. It follows the girls that want to be the cheerleaders and it follows the girls who are cheerleaders. Needless to say it's right up there with "The Daily Show" as one of the smartest shows on television. Politics and world affairs are at the forefront of the program as they tackle the really important issues of our time. There are also a lot of shots of girl's asses. Lots of asses. Seriously, like every four or five seconds you see a butt. (And oddly it's not that hot, you keep watching because you want to see hot ladies, but you never really do).
BUTTS!!!!
The highlight of the program (for me) was the interview stage. They bring the girls who want to be members of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (and some of these girls talk about it being their life long dream) into a room in groups of three. They then ask the girls a series of interview questions. It's fairly standard stuff and the answers are highly entertaining.
There I was enjoying the ride of mostly air headed women answer questions when I was caught off guard. The giant african-american trainer, the only man on the interview panel amongst a legion of surgeried(not a word) women in their 40's, leans across the table and asks the candidates point blank "besides being a cheerleader, name one thing that you HAVE to do before you die?"
Not surprisingly this stumped the girls. Like really stumped them. Like you know how reality shows will often edit a show to make someone appear dumb, but it's obvious they're taking a shot from something else to make them confused? It was like that, except there were no cuts. He asked the question and it panned over to the girls who sat there. Stunned. One of them muttered something about how it "would be something crazy, because I'd be dying, like, so it would be something I wouldn't do now."
Then the trainer said, "I've got news for you, you're going to die." And one of the girls was like, "whoa." The first reason I love this moment was because they were interviewing girls to be cheerleaders and who the fuck cares if they have dreams beyond looking pretty on the sidelines of an NFL football game? I mean, it's nice to think that these girls have aspirations, but is it important to the job? The second reason I loved it is because I instantly imagined an interview scenario in which I was asked this question.
Before I go on an interview or a pitch I like to spend some time thinking about any potential questions or scenarios. My friend Zach even writes out answers to questions, he even comes up with jokes he might be able to use. Essentially he does his best job to script out his interview. I do something similar but rely a little bit more on my improv skills. I imagine the questions and think about what the right answer is and then I go by the seat of my pants. When that trainer asked what the cheerleader prospects needed to do before they died I realized that I never in a million years would predict that as an interview question. Therefore, I would have no answer. I would've looked just as stumped as those girls.
Unless the job is professional dreamer there is no reason for my prospective employer to care about what I want to accomplish in my life besides the career I am applying for. And what is a good answer to that question? Skydiving? That seems underwhelming. Start a family? That's weak and feels corny. Play professional baseball? That's too mired in fantasy. Even sitting here writing this, I don't know what the answer to that question is. Do you? Do you know what you NEED to do before you die? Because I don't. I know I want to write comedy, but those are the interviews I go on, so that answer is eliminated by the question.
The more I think about it, the more I guess I'd have to say that the thing I need to do before I die is to have sex with a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. Wait, I mean to BE a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. Yeah, that's it.
And that's the story of how the show "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders" made me think about the direction of my life. Inspiration can come from anywhere...you just have to be watching reality television to see it.
"You're going to DIE! What else do you NEED to do? THINK! And do SIT-UPS!!!!
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