It's day nine of my journey-to-the-center-of-not-getting-my-balls-kicked and today it's official that trying to post on this blog is getting in the way of things that I need to do in my day to day life. I barely managed to squeeze a haircut in yesterday and today's scheduled car wash will have to be moved to a later date. Blogging has taken over the free space in my schedule. Fortunately for me, I'm not working so there is always tomorrow to get things done. The blog waits for no one.
I need topics. Any ideas? Please give me ideas. Prompts, if you will. Because half the reason this is hard is because I have no idea what to write about except for the process of writing a blog (oh fuck, I've done it again). And I think the entire point of this exercise is to get some creative ideas and not get stuck in filling in the blanks because it's an assignment.
I just heard this Eminem song that's called "Drips." It's really at an entire new level of songwriting. The opening verse is "rapped" by someone other than Eminem (I'm sure a quick google search would reveal who - I'm feeling lazy). This man proceeds to rap about hooking up with a chick who works in a laundromat. He mentions waking up with "pussy stank on his penis" (a direct quote!) - he mentions that he has got to "hit it from behind - it's mandatory." This song seems like a pretty straight up having sex with a chick song. It's exactly what you'd expect from an Eminem song, it's really fucking gross, talks about busting a nut and all that. And so the listener settles in to hear the fucking chicks song and prepares themselves for the type of disgusting creativity Eminem is known for. (note: the highlight of the first verse is when he says "her pussy was tighter than conditions of us black folks.") But as it turns out, it is not an ordinary "fucking bitches" song.
It starts to get odd at the end of the first verse. Obie Trice (the other guy who is rapping, I googled it!) closes out his rap with the line:
"Now I'm frustrated cause my dick was unprotected,
and Dr. Wesley is telling me I really got that shit."
Ok. Odd...Something just went horribly awry with this song about having sex with a chick who works at a laundromat. But what exactly is happening? Then Eminem comes to the rescue and tells you what's going on.
Turns out the chick who works in the laundromat is married to or maybe just dating Eminem and she's been fucking a lot of dudes in the laundromat. And while fucking these dudes in the laundromat she's managed to give Eminem HIV (actually it's full blown AIDS). Which fucking sucks and Eminem is not pleased. In fact he mentions his intent to "bend her fucking neck back, yo" which sounds really violent. I'm not sure exactly what bending someone's neck back entails, but my guess is it hurts them and might result in paralysis or death. And that's the song. It ends after some brief exchanges between Obie and Eminem that discuss bitches, getting paid and their record label.
The thing that really amuses me is that Eminem inadvertently ends up producing a song that serves as a public service announcement. I get the feeling he wrote this song from a place of anger. He was probably really upset at some bitch somewhere and wrote this piece and his thought process was probably something like "that bitch is a total whore and now everyone knows." But the listener's reaction is going to be "I better wear a condom when I have sex with that chick at the cleaners" and also "that bitch is a total whore." Which I think is nice. A lot of Eminem's critics have come after him because they know their kids are listening to his message, maybe if they knew he was writing anthems to safe sex they'd reconsider.
This blog post brought to you by 2002 when the song "Drip" was released.
Love,
Joe
Posts are getting better.
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