Today I had to write a bio for myself. I hate writing bios. For some reason listing one's own accomplishments is trying. And it's nearly impossible to make the writing flow smoothly. I wish they would let you write a bio in list form. But you can't. Here's what I came up with:
Joe Chandler is awesome and his accomplishments are many. The other thing that is important to know about his accomplishments is that they are spectacular. In addition, Joe is exceptionally tall, but not in a way that is freakish. In fact, most people find his height comforting. Later in life Joe discovered a propensity for being the coolest man alive. This led to him bedding many chicks and having his way with them. However, he has always been a gentleman with the aforementioned chicks. Additionally, his gentlemaness is surpassed only by his cleverness which is unparalleled except for maybe by Stephen Hawking and the lesser known Steven Hawking. Barack Obama once said of Joe, "I like that guy." Upon hearing that Barack said this, Joe replied, "I like THAT guy." When Joe said these words he pointed his two thumbs at himself. Joe also invented the joke format "who has two thumbs and is ______" but he apologizes for it spiraling out of control. "Some things can't be helped," says Joe, "when a joke is brilliant, it's brilliant, even I can't bring it back." One is forced to believe Joe because he never lies, unless of course it's to protect someone's feelings. He has always put other's feelings ahead of his own. He is a saint and a scholar.
Joe admits that he has one flaw. He keeps a terrible blog. And for that he is sorry.
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