I've been trying to get into soccer. I really have been giving it an honest effort. I found the Fox Soccer Channel in my lineup and I try to switch over to it when there is a game on. I've even gone so far as to record a game or two when there is a team that I think I might be interested in watching. But so far, my efforts have been totally fruitless (did I already write a post about this?).
The first obstacle to soccer viewing is that I don't have even the slightest connection to a team. As a child I chose to root for the University of Michigan because my Dad lived in Michigan. I had no university affiliations and no relationship with my father, but the connection was enough. With soccer there is virtually nothing to link me to a team. In international soccer I root for the Irish (I can never find myself rooting for America) so I tried out being a Celtic fan because the Irish bar we go to in San Diego has posters for Celtic everywhere. I've never seen them watch a Celtic game, but you get the sense that if it were on, those drunk Irish dudes would know what was happening.
Here's the thing about Celtic. They kind of suck. In their league (the scottish premiere league) they do quite well, but those games are not even close to televised in the states. In the games that are televised (the UEFA championship games) Celtic gets annihilated. They don't belong on the same field as the team's they play in the Champions League. In fact, they kind of look like the guys from the Irish bar in San Diego if they formed a soccer team and played when they were really drunk.
So they're out.
I wrack my brain for other teams I could like, but I don't have any connections to any cities in England or the rest of Europe for that matter. Even if I did the other thing about the English Premier league is that the lack of parity is much worse than anything we have here. Of the 20 or so teams in the EPL only 4 of them win, or have won championships (these stats are NOT accurate). I don't like rooting for dominant dynasties and would much rather pick a team with a real shot at a Cinderella season, but the lower teams in the EPL are virtually guaranteed to be terrible. Seriously, there are 8 teams with worse chances than the Padres have in baseball.
The other barrier to entry for soccer is how many leagues there are. I watch games on television and have no idea why they're being played and for what. Teams that I'm certain are in the English league play teams that are based in Greece. How is one supposed to keep track of this? I feel like I need to hire a bunch of foreigners to sit in my living room and explain everything. I can get a British guy, a Mexican, someone from Spain and a guy from Russia or Eastern Europe. I don't want an Italian because he'd be all swarthy and probably try to make out with my girlfriend and I figure the Spanish guy can explain the Italian league. Then they'll all tell me about their leagues and their favorite players and which teams are which. That way I could soak it all in quickly and be an instant soccer genius.
Note: I wouldn't have a Brazilian because he'd do capoeira and kick me in the face. Which would be unpleasant.
I guess the truth is that I'll have to sit around and wait for the World Cup when soccer coverage in the United States goes way up and I can learn as much as I can, which should boomerang me into the new season. That seems like a solid plan.
In conclusion, this post feels like it needs a conclusion.
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